|
This is funny. We know it's not going to last a week. An entire week??? Omg that's crazy. This toy won't last the night. 
I woke to screams and realized they were mine. I left my room and I heard the sound of singing. And found George in the library singing this, looking at a picture of a woman I do not know. How sad this song makes me. How much I wish to see Ray again. 
I became aware of this Englishman through twitter, though I have yet to meet him myself. I've instructed Saul to look into him, but as of yet haven't taken further action. So, I put it to the general crowd. Is this a man I should interview myself? I've told Saul that will happen this week, but what say you. Does this man's letter sound like madness? 
Dear 12 year old me,
12 years old. What do you know at 12 years old, what does anyone know at 12 years old? You're more concerned about the embarrassing hard ons at awkward times than learning anything, but being that little bit older than all your classmates has its moments. And as every pre-teen in the world, you're just trying your best to fit in. If I remember correctly, I think one of your school reports said 'shy but witty, considering'. That's because of your age. And wit, as if that is supposed to account for anything other than having a fast tongue and quicker brain. It will get you into a bit of trouble, but because of your family background you'll survive it and be left well enough alone. Your family... I suppose that means MY family. Where to begin? You found out relatively early on that Mother had a one night stand at the age of 46 and 9 months later, wham bam thank you mam. Pauline, your half-sister, is less than impressed with Mother's behaviour, and she still is, even after all these years. And she made it quite obvious that she wanted very little to do with you. Though I don't think anyone was less impressed than Mother. She says she'd not realised she was pregnant for a while, accounting it to the menopause, but when she found out that she had a little boy growing inside her, rather than do the merciful thing and have an abortion, she thought it was her duty to bring another life into the world. As if it was fate; though a screaming baby soon scratched out any misconceptions for her about being an Old Age Mother. (OAM will become a term you coin throughout your teenage years. Use it wisely.) As a child you were far more observant than most people realised. It was only when you went to school a little older than everyone else that you then realised you were different. You were kept behind because you were 'Mommy's little treasure' or the 'Miracle Baby'. It's not something you dwelled on much at nursery, but primary school stuck out as you were always a little too big, a little too old and a little too clumsy. When you start big school at 13 years old you and you think the bullying days are over because you're now the same size as all the bigger boys, just you wait. It will start off worse than it has been, but then you learn to fight, to get back up and hit harder. It causes problems for Mother and Pauline is disgraced by your behaviour (and it doesn't help that by then she has her own child who is 6 years younger than you, and idolises you). But you do pass your GCSEs. You'll take IT, DT, PE - anything that can be shortened into two letters. You're not stupid but you do have difficulty with numbers and letters getting mixed up, so you have to have a scribe in your final year exams. Just another thing to make you stand out and be that little bit more different. But persevere, you will get the respect you deserve. Eventually, being older has its perks because the younger kids want you to buy their cigarettes and booze. And then you can get into clubs before anyone else. You will attempt to play the more social sports, as requested by your Mother, but the rugby boys are the idiots you expect them to be, and you're far better at martial arts and non-contact sports. Though apparently you have a tendency to get too aggressive. Girls, what can I tell you about girls? Most of the ones at your secondary school are a bunch of easily-forgettable sluts. Joanne is okay as far as girls go, but she's no looker. Grungy is the best word to describe her and I wouldn't recommend taking her up on that offer to lose your virginity. She's not great in bed and she cries afterwards and it will end your friendship with her. Though its not that great a loss, the time will come for greater things... By the time you finish your A Levels (don't worry, you pass those too) you will make a wonderful decision. What I think was the turning point in your, in my, in our life; going to University in the United State of America. Mother was sceptical, of course, and Pauline outraged, but when you show an aptitude for CGI and sports combined with a British accent the Yanks lap it up. And boy, do the girls fall at your feet. If you think being a guy in the UK is difficult trying to compete with men who have money and attitude and stupid 'hipster' beards, try competing with men who have all that (minus the beards) and six packs combined with unlimited confidence! It isn't easy, but you have a few things that they don't, a British accent and the chance to complete reinvent yourself. You will try out roles such as a Lord, an Earl, nobility, the long lost son of an American actor, an RAF pilot and even a poor student (closest to the truth). The ladies eat it up. It will even come as a surprise to you that some of those girls made it into University. The garbage that comes out of their mouths. Truly some of them are even more stupid than you can imagine. What else can I say? There will be moments that you will worry about life, but don't. You deserve the best and you do your damn best to try and get it. Don't take 'no' for an answer. You have been different for long enough and there will a time when you should reap your reward. Keep playing Halo, you are right, it becomes HUGE. Your aggression doesn't diminish but you have a couple of options out in Nevada with how to control that – I'm not talking Fight Club or anything like that, but there are ways to vent and let loose. There is this one girl, you live in the same building as her, who will turn your world upside down. I don't want to tell you any more, she's worth the wait. Just remember her name, Danielle. From me, to you. Just watching the news fills me with rage. One example after the next of how men get away with violence against women. To beat a woman is nothing in this society. Yet, every time I have a conversation with a man, the extent of the involvement he has on the issue is - I didn't do it. It wasn't me. I'm not like all men.
Yes, I've heard the refrain before: I'm not like the rest of them. I'm not like all men. I'm different. Can you hear me laughing? You're different you say? Prove it. Stand for women. Every single time you hear a man degrade, intimidate or otherwise use the advantage men possess in physical strength - you need to be there. Or, you're no different than the rest. If you don't fight against men that abuse women, you might as well have punched her yourself. Men have been covering for each other for all of human history. There was a time that beating your wife wasn't even a crime. So, it's Not all men you say? Well, stamp out the ones that ARE guilty and maybe I'll buy what you're selling. Not all men - just words to excuse violence against women. Words to avoid responsibility. Just words to show you have no spine. Words that show you're not a man at all. 
|
ELLA'S JOURNAL
Archives
November 2018
|
